Monday, October 26, 2009

This Little Piggy Went to Market

This little piggy went home.
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy had a fever, which is usually high (but unlike seasonal flu, is sometimes absent), cough, runny nose or stuffy nose, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills, fatigue or tiredness, which can be extreme.


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The swine flu paranoia has hit my school. Elementary school is shut down. Mothers are pulling their kids out of kindergarten. Everyone is wearing masks. We are sacrificing a boar tomorrow before dawn.


And there are a lot of strange politics at play. We can't really close down because we are a Hagwon, an after school program.. Maybe next month the mothers will not send their kids here. So we have to stay at school and call our students at home to see if they have done their homework. They don't do their homework when they are going to see me the next day. And we won't close the kindergarten down because that would look bad, too. It doesn't matter that this is a disease and  it doesn't reflect anything on the school itself.. I mean, the kids didn't get sick here, they got sick at the elementary school they go to in the morning. But that doesn't seem to matter.


It is an interesting thing. And I know it is a serious disease, and no one is more concerned than mothers are, but it is a very strange way to deal with it.


For Halloween I think I am going to get a pair of wings, a surgical mask and a pig snout. Swine Flew. 







The Inner Monologue of Kevin, a Seven-Year-Old in Orange Class from Monday, October 26th




Evanteacher always says, "Goooooood morning Orange class!!!!" as soon as he walks in the door. I will respond the loudest while pulling on his shirt to win his affection.


Well, I think my enthusiasm bought me about 10 minutes to do some sweet drawings of John Connor and a few Terminators. I have a goal of 25 Terminators per day, and let's be serious, I can't count on anyone else to draw them.


Ok. He is playing the piano again. He always plays the same songs. Then again, I always play the same songs. Song. The theme from Jaws. Everyone loves it.


I always interpret "Nobody touch the piano!!!" as "Nobody touch the piano, except for Kevin."


I really want to help Evanteacher with the snack today. He seems preoccupied with teaching. I will make him an origami frog as a gift and maybe he will let me carry the milk.


Does he have laser vision?!?! I set up both my books as a shield so he couldn't see what I was doing. 


We have communication phrases everyday. Can't he see that I know this stuff already? "Can I borrow your pencil?" Great. When will I need that? I want help with phrases that are useful! "Can I have a ride on your waterdragon?" or "Yes, I would like to travel back in time."


AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!


Math? I don't think so. More Terminators. This picture will feature a couple tanks, too. Man am I good at drawing tanks.


Ok, he left the room, time to get up and steal someone's eraser. The best part is that I speak English better than everyone, so I can talk my way out of it. Just lots of gesturing and saying "You, Me, Eraser, Me, Evanteacher, You, English, Thank You, Give, You, Me" and then adjust my glasses. It makes me look smart. 


Ahhh, lunch. Time to employ my "chipmunk method" of eating. Jam all the food into my cheeks and pour my soup on my lap.


Allllright.. Lets take a break. I am going to make one of my patented "Live Action Comics" for Evanteacher. First, draw a Terminator. Show Evanteacher the picture, draw a thought bubble above the Terminator's head, scream something in Korean and laugh. Make sure Evanteacher understands he should laugh now, too, even though he has no idea what I am saying. Keep his attention!! Don't let him help other students. Put the drawing in his lap and draw on his shirt!! Now, draw a thought bubble above the dragon, write some words in it and read it to Evanteacher, laugh again, draw lots of missiles from the dragon to the Terminator... thought bubbles above Superman and Optimus Prime... and.. and I think we are done. Another successful Live Action Comic. Nope.. this things needs more blood. Everywhere. Lots of blood.


Theme from Jaws.. I am so money...


Is it time to go already? Awesome. My little brother will be waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. I will hug my grandma while simultaneously slapping him in the chest.. he will never see this coming.


I can't wait to do this all again tomorrow...